See you soon.

I wish I could have told you that I am sorry. I wished I picked up the phone and told you that I didn’t mean what I told you last.

I wish I could have told you why I said what I said.

But the next time I came to talk to you – there you were on a cold metal bed with your eyes closed. with a faint smile that I always remembered ever since I was a child.I kept looking at you for a long time trying to convince myself that it’s not you. No My father could not be dead. I spoke to him last night and I told him that I don’t care what he does. I didn’t mean it and you know that……..

I don’t know if you felt it but I kept my hand on your heart wanting it to beat once more for me for all of us that you left behind.

Everyday I wake up I think of you and the last time we met – Two days before you went. I remember us sitting near the “Jambu” tree having Old Reserve. You asked me ” Why Can’t you just give up smoking? I gave up last week” – I just smiled.

You gave up smoking and you gave up breathing. BTW, Aiya has given up smoking.

But for me Dad, everything I ever wanted has given up on me.

You always liked my black and silver tie. That’s what I chose for you to wear the last time with your favourite black pants and White shirt. You looked good in that ok? And you know that I like full black (soory I won’t wear your favourite green tie). I will come there to say sorry in a full black. I hope you would recognize me Dad.

I Miss you a lot – especially today.

Will you get angry if I say see you soon?

May you rest in peace Dad. (I didnt let you in peace when I was young).

~ by theunlitfire on July 2, 2009.