The endless list of songs I listen to makes me think of the past
When moon was softer and stars were brighter – The breeze was colder and the days were sunnier
I sit by the window at night and watch the rainy sky – so dark and gloomy.
I think of the the nights we spent in each others arms under million stars… all the crazy driving in midnight.
You have gone far now – leaving all the memories behind. You have become a stranger overnight.
Wish I could make you stop right here with me
But I know you have a journey to complete.
That you can not go with me.
I am just another traveller whom you met on the way.
what’s next? is the question without a answer for me…
You have a way to turn to – a way that you trust…
I am just an intruder – holding you back…
There is only one way.
Don’t ask me, I will not say.
Amma, is the first word I have said… maybe I was looking in to your eyes,
I remember holding your hand and going to school, you wait near the gate untill I walk to my class.
I turn back and check if you are there..
You were a part of me for over three decades…I can’t express how much it means.
Now that you have left me here….
I looked into your lifeless eyes – I felt so helpless..
May you find eternal peace Amma – I will always love you
Rest in peace. – I miss you.
I wish I could have told you that I am sorry. I wished I picked up the phone and told you that I didn’t mean what I told you last.
I wish I could have told you why I said what I said.
But the next time I came to talk to you – there you were on a cold metal bed with your eyes closed. with a faint smile that I always remembered ever since I was a child.I kept looking at you for a long time trying to convince myself that it’s not you. No My father could not be dead. I spoke to him last night and I told him that I don’t care what he does. I didn’t mean it and you know that……..
I don’t know if you felt it but I kept my hand on your heart wanting it to beat once more for me for all of us that you left behind.
Everyday I wake up I think of you and the last time we met – Two days before you went. I remember us sitting near the “Jambu” tree having Old Reserve. You asked me ” Why Can’t you just give up smoking? I gave up last week” – I just smiled.
You gave up smoking and you gave up breathing. BTW, Aiya has given up smoking.
But for me Dad, everything I ever wanted has given up on me.
You always liked my black and silver tie. That’s what I chose for you to wear the last time with your favourite black pants and White shirt. You looked good in that ok? And you know that I like full black (soory I won’t wear your favourite green tie). I will come there to say sorry in a full black. I hope you would recognize me Dad.
I Miss you a lot – especially today.
Will you get angry if I say see you soon?
May you rest in peace Dad. (I didnt let you in peace when I was young).
